Anyone reading this is rather interested in dating or has done it already. Or maybe you’re doing it, like to pursue it or need to educate somebody else. There’s nothing to worry about because you are not alone. It has become something like an obsession in our societies.
Dating is a relatively recent phenomenon and it is something a lot of people do when they are single. But for Muslims, almost all the Islamic scholars say no to it.
Because when we look at its basic definition, it does not respect the teachings of Islam. Wikipedia says:
“Dating is a stage of romantic or sexual relationship in human whereby two people meet socially, possibly as friends or with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a prospect partner in more committed intimate relationship.”
It is obvious that any “romantic or sexual relationship” between unmarried people is an unlawful one.
Meaning if you agree to Islamic teachings and is willing to do away with this unlawful romantic or sexual relationship, then it is safe to start a relationship that must also abide by the rules mentioned on this page.
In societies where this institution is common, lots of Single Muslims find it challenging without a boyfriend or girlfriend. In light of this, knowledge in halal dating will transform the lives of many Muslims around the world, because ignorance in dating is one of the common means Satan secured in encouraging Zina.
Laying down the principles and guidelines for dating in an Islamic perspective will put great masses of Muslims on a course towards healthy and Islamic centered Marriages. It will change lives by discouraging toxic and unhealthy relationships that Allah made unlawful.
Ignorance in halal dating often isolates us from the righteous Muslims. Drawing closer to a boyfriend or girlfriend removes us from other important relationships including our relationship with Allah. This pleases Satan; he loves this and encourages it at every turn.
One way to righteously deal with dating is to oppose absolutely everything Satan might want for us. Fight the desire to date in that corner by ourselves, and instead draw one another into the acceptable and important relationship desired by our Maker. The following rules should guide you (If Allah Wills)
Rule #1. Make your intention clear
The value of an action depends on the intention behind it – Prophet Mohammad
What is your reason for engaging yourself in a relationship?
This is a very important question and you must answer that. So, just stay put until you come clean with your intention.
Your interest in this relationship, is it to take away some of the personal loneliness? Is it to get you to be seen by your peers as someone who is modern and cool? Or it just makes you feel better about yourself knowing the fact that someone ‘really’ likes you?
Well, none of these is worthy of a reason. As a Muslim, no reason is valid enough for a relationship than a trajectory towards marriage.
No one said you can’t start a relationship, no, but it should come with a purpose. The purpose of which Allah has approved. The purpose must rest in finding someone who meets the values and goals you have for a future spouse. This purpose is one of the important things that will ever happen in your life as a Muslim. The purpose is called marriage.
Never start a relationship if you are not ready to get married!
Obeying this simple principle will help to avoid many relationships before getting married and land you an ideal woman who will support and grow old with you.
Rule #2 No sex until the purpose is fulfilled.
And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way. (Quran 17: 32)
This verse of the Holy Quran made everything clear for us. Disobeying it means great damage on our part. Looking at the statement, it is a direct command from Allah. Just imagine the damage you’ll cause by ignoring what Allah has enjoined upon you.
But the world now treats purity and chastity as something that seems to have gone out of fashion. Fornicators are now considered “winners” and “experienced”, while the chaste are taken to be repressed by Islam. However, the reality is simply the opposite.
The Holy Prophet also warns against this in severally in the hadiths, one of which says:
“If a man commits Zina, faith comes out of him and hovers over him like a cloud, then when he stops, faith returns to him.”
Ok! No sex until marriage, we got it. But how can we then avoid Zina? Great masses of people fall into this act because of satanic influences. To escape this destroying trap set by Satan, we need to take the following points seriously.
Rule #3. Avoid being alone all by yourselves
Because the Holy Prophet said so, and with a good reason!
When you are together you think you are really alone and therefore can behave yourselves. But that’s not always true; it is easy said than done. Never trust your Nafs (self-discipline) because the temptations will become relentless when the situation unfolds itself.
The Holy Prophet already made this clear in a hadith that:
“No man is alone with a woman but the Satan is the third one present.” – Al-Tirmidhi.
I know by now your mind starts to throw questions from left, right and center like a ping-pong ball. “How can we date if we can’t be alone?” This is what you might be thinking right?
But the Holy Prophet, peace be upon him, also mentioned that:
“No man should be alone with a woman unless there is a Mahram with them.” – Bukhari and Muslim.
The truth is that you don’t need to be alone before you can talk. In fact, when you are alone together, you won’t be talking. Rather, Satan will occupy your minds with some weird thoughts and the end results always turn out to be what you did not plan for.
Rule # 4. The conversation should not go beyond permissible topics
And permissible topics are those that are related to your purpose. At this stage, your primary focus should be to observe each other to see whether you fit for marriage.
So, the conversation between the two of you should focus on the purpose only.
Rule # 5. Avoid every other temptation that might lead to sin
Dating (relationship before marriage) as you see it is not Haram provided you obey whatever Allah has enjoined. Apart from an arranged marriage, what other means can one get married if not for a premarital relationship? You can call it courtship or dating, it doesn’t really matter if your intention is halal.
The Holy Prophet encouraged getting to know a woman before marrying her but in a permissible manner. He said:
Arrange to see her first (the woman you are considering marrying), this will help to establish accord between you. (Ahmad)
The fear is the temptations that are involved. So when you are in a relationship with someone, you should clear up your minds and declare the purpose of your relationship which should be a trajectory towards marriage.
Try to get to know each other and while in the process, try as much as possible to avoid everything that can lead you to something disliked by Allah (especially Zina).
Rule #6. Pray & Pray & Pray (Very Important)
A good spouse can be the best thing you can ever have in your whole life. This is enough for a reason to ask Allah to guide you find someone who will complete the other half of you and grow old with you.
Make dua to Allah to make things easy for you. Allah likes those who turn to him in Dua as the prophet said. Dua is an act that cannot and should never be neglected in this important course.
Is it too much?
What about if you cannot abide by these rules now?
If that’s the case, then I think it’s time to learn how to lead a single happy life.
And Allah knows best!