It’s good to dream; it’s healthy and gives us optimistic minds after all. Okay, most sisters dream for tall/short good looking, upright Men to marry (every sister knows what her dream is). Finally, the so desired man is revealed and the nikah vow is over.
The wedding is now grand and most of your dreams seemed fulfilled now. Then what’s next?
If you are already married for years or a while now, you must have already found out from experience that a relationship when married is never like a romance movie. If you’re just a newbie, then I guess you are yet to find out for yourself. I pray that God makes it easy for all women. –Seekers Elite.
A good wife is one of the best treasures in life, and to be a good wife is one that demands a lot of hard work, it’s not always that easy. What kind of foundation is your relationship with your husband based on?
Discover an awesome foundation on which to build your relationship with your husband. If you cannot think of any, develop respect and communication. Respecting each other and communicating will go a long way to a successful relationship.
A good relationship tip to also consider compromises. Yes! Compromise can go a long way in deepening the relationship. How much compromise do you show to your husband? It makes sense to give and take so you’ll both feel valued needed in the relationship.
Although it’s true that actions speak louder than words, words often speak more clearly than actions. Take a moment every now and then to verbalize your feelings for your husband. A simple “I love you” or “You mean the world to me” can go a long way towards making your husband feel wanted, cared for, and secure in your relationship. Also, small acts of physical intimacy can give your husband a warm feeling and convey the love and affection you feel for him.
Don’t keep your likes and dislikes, dreams and fears, achievements and mistakes, or anything else to yourself. If it’s important to you, share it with your husband and similarly be supportive when your husband faces life’s little challenges too; an argument at work, a rough commute, a misplaced check. Listen to what’s bothering him and offer whatever help you can – even if it’s just sympathy.
All these kindnesses are part of the submission that Allah wants you to make to your husband. Submission to your husband is one of the most important etiquettes in your married life. Never think that sex is all that you have to offer to be loved.
Just like how you needed your husband to be like when you were single, all righteous men will also not look out for a woman who will satisfy his sex drive but a woman who will submit herself to him and care for him. Every woman has womanhood but not every woman has humility.
Believe me, when you are a humble woman, you are not a lowly wife; rather you are an expensive jewelry. And a man of integrity will fear to lose you. Yep! All you need is to submit. The Holy Prophet (PBUH) talked a lot about the importance and benefits of submitting to one’s husband. He said:
“The best women is she who when you look at her, she pleases you, when you command her she obeys you, and when you are absent, she protects her honor and your property.”
“If the woman prayed her five daily prayers, fasted her month, protected her chastity and obeyed her husband, she will be told, ‘Enter Paradise from any of its doors you wish.”
“If I were to command anyone to prostrate before anyone, I would have commanded the wife to prostrate before her husband, because of the enormity of his right upon her”
What does the Holy Quran also say? “wife, submit to your husband.”[4:34]. The reason is simple, a righteous man’s true love goes out only for a woman who is submissive. Your beauty cannot make another woman ugly but your humility can let him love you above all other women. Caring is all a woman needs in marriage and submission is all that it takes to secure it.
When a woman bows her knee before a man, the man will automatically bow his heart before her love. And love her sincerely.
There are, of course, defiant men who will not value women of humility but I know my dear righteous women never dream for such men. Even if by chance you got married to a defiant man, it is a submission that will turn him down; it is a submission that truly makes you a romantic wife.
So be the queen you want to be but when it comes to dealing with your husband, play the role of a humble maid. Be your man’s queen and be his maid also.
Many may not know what and how to go about it. First thing is to make Dua to Allah (SWT) to make your marriage and relationship successful. All good things are from Allah. Never forget to ask Allah Subhan-ahu Wata ala for the blessing of having a successful marriage that begins in this world and continues on into Jannah Insha-Allah. After praying hard then the next thing is to say Bismillah and start your work as a wife without reluctance. Compiled below are hadiths teaching women how to build a successful relationship with their husbands.
1. Be Grateful to him
Ibn Abbas (RA) reported that Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: “O Women, give charity, for I have surely seen that you from the majority of the inhabitants of Hell.” They asked, ‘why is this so, O Messenger of Allah?’ He said, “Because you curse too much, and are ungrateful for good treatment (on the part of your husband) [Sahih Bukhari and Sahih Muslim.]
This hadith is clearly stating how women are ungrateful to their husbands who treat them well. Gratitude to one’s husband means being thankful to him, noticing simple pleasures and acknowledging everything that you received from him. It means learning to live your life with him as if everything about you two were a miracle.
Research too has come to the same conclusion as the Prophet’s, that gratitude heightened quality life. In fact, being grateful to your husband will cool his heart toward you and will make him increase his care and attention for you. So cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you from your husband, and give thanks continuously and Insha-Allah everything will be as you dreamt for.
2. Support him in his decisions.
Don’t go against his decisions. If you dislike something, talk to him gently when he is in a good mood and give him reasons for your opinion.
The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said,
“It is not permitted for a woman who believes in Allah to allow anyone into her husband’s house whom he dislike; or to go out when he does not want her to; or to obey anyone else against him; or to forsake his bed; or to hit him. If he is wrong, then let her come to him until he is pleased with her, and if he accepts her then all is well, Allah will accept her deeds and make her position stronger, and there will be no sin on her. If he does not accept her then at least she will have done her best and excused herself in the sight of Allah” [Al Hakim 2/190 ]
The above hadith said it all. Rules are rules and your husband’s rules should be a priority. Everybody has what they like and dislike just like you. Did I mention about compromising earlier in this post? Yep, you need to compromise as a husband and a wife. Talk things through to know each other’s boundaries. Take your husband’s decisions serious for Allah sake as mentioned by our beloved Prophet (SAW).
3. Don’t complain about his shortfalls to his family or to your family members
A woman came to Prophet (PBUH) about some matter, and when he had dealt with it, he asked her, “Do you have a husband”. She said, “Yes”. He asked her, “How are you with him”. She said, “I never fall short in my duties, except for that which is beyond me”. He said, “Pay attention to how you treat him, for he is your Paradise and your Hell.” [Ahmad, An-Nasai]
4. Don’t argue with him when he is angry
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said:
“Shall I not tell you about your wives in Paradise.” We said “of course, O Messenger of Allah. He said, “They are fertile and loving. If she became angry or is mistreated, or her husband becomes angry, she says, “My hand is in your hand, I shall never sleep until you are pleased with me.” [At-Tabarani].
5. Be sensible what you spend from his earnings
It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said:
“Hind bint ‘Utbah, the wife of Abu Sufyaan, entered upon the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, Abu Sufyaan is a stingy man who does not spend enough on me and my children, except for what I take from his wealth without his knowledge. Is there any sin on me for doing that?’ The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, ‘Take from his wealth on a reasonable basis, only what is sufficient for you and your children.’” [Sahih Bukhari, 5049; Sahih Muslim, 1714]
6. Don’t ask him for more than he can afford
“but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis” [al-Baqarah 2:233]
“Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allah has given him” [al-Talaaq 65:7]
Prophet (PBUH) said,
“The best woman who ride camels are the woman of Quraysh. They are the most compassionate towards their children when they are small and the most careful with regards to their husband’s wealth.” [Sahih Muslim 16/81]
7. Don’t complain to him about his parents or his family
‘Ali ibn Abi Talhah said, narrating from Ibn ‘Abbas:
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women” means, they are in charge of them, i.e., she should obey him in matters of obedience that Allah has enjoined upon her, and obey him by treating his family well and taking care of his wealth. This was the view of Muqaatil, al-Saddi and al-Dahhaak. [Tafseer Ibn Katheer]
8. Don’t say no when he wants to intimate with you unless you have a reason to say so (And make it satisfactory)
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (AS) reported:
“The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: ‘When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he went to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.’” [Sahih Bukhari, 3065; Sahih Muslim, 1436]
Prophet (PBUH) said,
“Allah will curse those procrastinating women who when their husbands call them to their beds, say I will, I will…, until he (the husband) falls asleep.” [At-Tabarani]
The above hadiths stressed a lot about the importance and position of sex in marriage. Among the objectives of marriage is to satisfy one’s sexual needs in a lawful manner, and if either spouse is unfulfilled, the temptation to look elsewhere can become overwhelming. Sex is unique with your husband alone making it vitally important in marriage.
The importance and position of sex that Islam places on married couple makes it important to form a deeper level of communication as a couple that you don’t normally do with just anyone. It requires you to talk to each other about intimate, emotional feelings and preferences; it will do a very important job in maximizing satisfaction. For example, to have truly intimate experience with your spouse, you need to make things clear by clearly stating to each other where you want to be touched and requests for certain things.
The fact is that many desire to live their conjugal lives in harmony with Islamic teachings and have a genuine inclination to learn, but are prevented by the embarrassment of asking a scholar directly. Often, a spouse will refuse to engage in a form of sexual activity, mistakenly believing it to be unlawful, which could easily sour their relationship. It is therefore of key importance for married couples to understand the teachings of Islam regarding sexual behavior. With some basic education on the subject, it is possible to have a healthy sex life and avoid marital conflict.
Share your experience and thoughts, ask any available question. Thank you