For the well-grounded ladies in Islam, I present to you something of great importance. 10 men you should never marry. Are you one of the single Muslim girls? I mean the righteous Muslimah!
Note: If you are a man reading this, it is better for you as you’ll get to know the important qualities of a good man. It can land you a good wife Insha-Allah.
Well, I’m not being fanatic, the sanctity and status of marriage in Islam is so great, especially among the youth.
We all grew up with the teaching that marriage is an institution that unites a man and a woman in a halal relationship. This is obvious to us all.
The couple begins their journey together, finding comfort in each other during strained times, as well as enjoying the other’s company in prosperous time.
In the Glorious Quran, Allah the Exalted stressed on the beautiful and sacred relationship of marriage, we read:
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect. (Quran, 30:21)
We’ve also read from hadith that one of the greatest blessings Allah can bestow upon a man is to give him a righteous wife (Sahih Muslim).
Meaning, a Godly woman is the best comfort for a man. She has to be righteous and true to her femininity.
Now comes my point! About our righteous ladies, sisters, and daughters, don’t they deserve something better?
I think they do, just like the righteous Men.
Allah Almighty has honored women too by giving them the right to choose the man to marry. Her parents have no right to force her to marry someone who doesn’t deserve her.
Every successful lady is looking forward to the day the Niqah vow will be over.
Dear Muslimah! I know you can’t wait to meet the prince who will fulfill your awesome dreams. But don’t be impatient and fall into the pit, not all men are perfect.
No one is perfect though, but some are perfect for you. So instead of craving for Mr. Perfect, crave for the one who is perfect for you.
This means you try to look past the bad side of a man so that you can have a clear view of his goodness. That’s ok! It shows that you are not frothy.
But despite how frothy it might seem, there are just some men you should avoid for a sound marriage. You deserve to know them all. Here are 10 Insha-Allah!
“…then if you ascertain that they are true believers, send them not back to the disbelievers. They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them….” (Quran 60:10)
This is not an outmoded religious practice. Allah knew this time will come before stating all these in the Holy Quran.
Therefore, not marrying a non-Muslim is not an option but a must. Come on dear, you deserve more than this. Don’t allow yourself to be deceived by a man’s looks or wealth.
If a man is not ready to say the Shahadah, run fast for the nearest exit. He’s not fit for you.
“In their hearts is a disease and Allah has increased their disease. A painful torment is theirs because they used to tell lies.” (Quran 2:10)
No safe haven for the liar. This act falls under the umbrella of falsehood and evil.
It’s like a disease which spread into various harmful symptoms, causing damage to the individual and the people around him. You don’t deserve to be around such a person, don’t you see?
You must build your marriage on trust. Without trust as a firm foundation, you’re making a great mistake. Marriage is for a life time so we can’t afford this expensive mistake.
Any lie is meant to deceive or manipulate so don’t allow yourself to be deceived. If you discover a guy has been lying to you, scratch him off your list, he doesn’t deserve you.
“The Zani marries not but a Zaniyah or a Mushrikah; and the Zaniyah, none marries her except a Zani or a Mushrik. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers.” (Quran 24:3)
How abhorrent fornication and adultery!
It tarnishes the honor of anyone who does it in a way that other sins do not.
We are told that no woman marries a fornicator or an adulterer except partners like him.
This verse made it clear that those found in this act do not adhere to the rulings of Allah and His Messenger; this makes them forbidden for you to marry. Such people are impure.
I wish I could say that once you find a nice guy at the mosque, you can rest assured that he is living in sexual purity. But that’s not the case.
You won’t believe what lustful people can do upon hearing the command from the Holy Quran that tells us not to come near Zina. (Quran 17:32)
Dear ladies in Islam, just be careful. If you settle with a man who was sleeping around before marriage, you can be sure he will be sleeping around even in marriage.
Marriage needs a deep love and respect to survive, and lack of these leads to abuse.
You are far too worthy to be oppressed by anyone. The abuse could be physical, verbal or an emotional harm, whatever; it eventually destroys the abused as well as the abuser.
The ideal Muslimah cannot afford the risk to get married to someone who will continue to hurt her.
They need help to think straight and you are not the one to give it, that’s the work of Allah.
Excuse me for saying, but going ahead with an abuser to settle in marriage is like entering into an emotional suicide. It will destroy the essence of your life.
Just say no to abuse!
The addict needs freedom and that can only come by admitting there’s a problem and seeking counseling, professional help and the Help of Allah.
If he doesn’t admit his problem and seek help, your role is not to change him or set him free from his destruction, it’s solely the work of Allah.
They lack the discipline needed in a righteous person. Lack of discipline means they can do anything, they can lie, they can cheat, they can even steal. Addiction only leads to distraction.
Luckily, you are not married yet. You are now to choose your ideal husband, choose and choose wisely, it just doesn’t have to be an addict.
“Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others …” (Quran 4:34)
This verse and its likes in the Glorious Quran leave many men thinking that marriage is about superiority. It is but to some extent.
Allah made mention further that “… women have rights similar to the rights of men in a just manner…” (Quran 2:228)
Dear Muslimah, you are a human just like every man, I know you know that! You have desires and the rights of life and freedom.
Giving yourself for marriage is not giving yourself for a hire as a servant, it is far more than that. It is a selection of a life partner and a friend to live with.
The fear with this kind of guys stemmed from the fact that they can control you plus your faith in Allah.
If you are a righteous woman, never sell your spiritual birthright by giving up to a guy who doesn’t deserve you.
Waiting for someone who is well-grounded with the knowledge of Allah is a smart decision to make; Insha-Allah, I know you are more than smart to take the right decision for yourself.
The mummy’s boy
A deep respect and love for one’s parents is something everyone should have. We all admire people who love their parents, especially mothers. But sometimes the things seem out of the picture.
When the guy you are courting is being controlled by his parents to an extent that they control every decision he makes, JUST BEWARE! This is why many marriages encounter in-law problems.
You may be asking for trouble if you think you can handle a man who hasn’t grown up. Back off and as a good friend, advise him to seek some help so that he can mature.
If you need peace in marriage without facing the in-law issues like many are facing today, don’t go in with the mommy’s boy.
At point six we read from the Holy Quran that men are the protectors of women (Quran 4:34).
Can you imagine despite this responsibility of a husband, he stayed at home all day?
Well, if you’re already supporting your ideal husband and paying for everything now – this may not change in the future.
Does he work or willing to work? Is he addicted to gambling or games? Is he buried in debts?
All these will only worsen once married after when the stress of family life and responsibilities mount high.
A narcissist fails to look at her wife as a person and just assume to himself that she (the wife) should also feel the way he does.
They only marry you to satisfy their ego, i.e. for you to take over the responsibility for their failures so they won’t have to worry about them anymore.
People are different, so are narcissists. Each of them has a separate array of the 100 Billion neurons, different upbringing and with different traits.
But there are some that are just critical, those you should not come close to.
Actually, it is my sincere hope for you to marry a handsome looking man. But be careful if he pays extreme attention to his looks.
Be careful when he spends almost all his time at the gym and regularly displays his body/looks all over social media.
Therefore, if you want to go ahead with such a man, that’s your personal preference, maybe you can make a difference in His life.
But do have some lessons about them; it might be helpful for your decision.
Narcissists are remarkably self-centered. They are obsessed with themselves
They may be so consumed that they don’t even see themselves as hurting others. They easily hurt and injure others.
Narcissists are admirable at first. So let’s just say it is easy to get attracted to a narcissist. They often have admirable looks and talents. Most of them love romance and not long term love.
They exaggerate the sense of their talent and importance.
As a group, narcissists have a powerful sense of urgency. They run after wealth. They want a lot from this life.
A MAN YOU DON’T LOVE
Should you marry a man you don’t love?
I know some will say yes and others no. All are right though for their own reasons. But there are some precautions one must take into consideration. Those precautions, I cannot riff on them now. So let’s prepare it for another post, Insha-Allah.
Here comes the end of the list of men that are not worthy enough for you. Your life as a righteous Muslim girl/woman should be greatly cherished by the man who is also righteous.
To get such a man is not always easy. It’s not also easy for a man to find a good woman like you either.
So when seeking for a good man to marry, just be you and stay focused. Be relaxed and cool, and don’t be impatient.
Also, make sure you don’t misunderstand all guys who come your way. Take it easy while you get to know them better with respect.
Very important! Don’t be afraid to make a move if he seems perfect for you. To be fair, just like you, I think a good man doesn’t desperately need any woman but a good one.
So if you want him to do something, then you should be willing to do it as well.
For instance, if you want him to come to you and say he loves you and wants to be with you, then I think you should be willing to do the same and don’t wait or expect him to do it first. He may not come around.
A good man will respect you if you apply the same rule to yourself and make the first move. I think this rule is awesome, so let’s say it’s a golden rule.
Most people think a woman who approaches a man is shameless without modesty. What about the first wife of the Holy Prophet?
These people don’t know that our beloved prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was sent a proposal of marriage by his first wife, who is Khadijah, and he is one of the great women in Islam.
Also, there are several hadith where righteous women gave themselves to men for marriage.
However, don’t overdo this unless perhaps, he is already attracted to you before the encounter. If you have this in mind, then work hard on building attraction first to reduce the chances of rejection.
But it is a good thing if you inform your parents or guardian of your desire to approach a righteous man who is trustworthy with regards to his religious commitment and his moral attitude.
I pray that every woman finds her ideal man with whom she will be happy forever.
What are you thinking? Let me hear your thoughts or questions in the comments below.